IN THE WORLD, BE PREPARED TO TAKE YOUR EGGS AND FREEZE 'EM , DELIA: 'CAUSE EVERYTHING, EVERYTHING HAPPENS, LYDIA: SOUNDS LIKE TERRIBLE THINGS CAN HAPPEN. LYDIA YOU GIVE ME THAT! Beetlejuice:: *stops her* hey i get it you and me were not that different. Dead guy, what brings you to the roof? Thats why youre here. Dad, no. Cmon. JUST THINK OF THE UNIVERSE AS A FEMALE BEST FRIEND, AND YOU CAN BE LIKE "HEY, UNIVERSE, WHAT'S HAPPENIN', GIRL? LYDIA: YeahItd be terrible if we all let each other down, DELIA: (Rings Triangle.) Hold on! Im so glad you could make it! CHARLES: Lydia, Im not going to answer a question like that. LYDIA: In my vision, my dad and I are back in our old house in New York. I cant see! BEETLEJUICE: Boy, do you know how to pick em or what? Welcome, welcome, welcome! Wait come back! Pigs cant climb! (a beat.) Im here to find my-, MISS ARGENTINA: Girl! We want to help you! LYDIA: I dont have a lot of friends so, if I have to live in this stupid house, at least I know Ill have you guys in the attic. BEETLEJUICE: Spoiler Alert: shes never going to eat that sandwich! I FOUND MY FREQUENCY CRYSTALS SPEAK TO ME, EVERYTHING, EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON, THERE ARE SPIRITUAL GUIDES ABOVE LOOK UP AND SEE 'EM, JUST LISTEN TO THE MELODY THE UNIVERSE SINGS, 'CAUSE EVERYTHING, EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON, THE UNIVERSE IS JUST THE CONTENTS OF TIME, MATTER AND SPACE, LYDIA: NINETY-ONE BILLION LIGHT-YEARS ACROSS AND THE EARTH'S A SMALL PLACE, THE PACIFIC ISLANDS ARE SINKING BUT NEGATIVE THINKING IS HARDLY THE CAUSE, YOU THINK LIFE IS ALL UNICORNS AND RAINBOWS 'CAUSE YOU'RE BORED, LYDIA: AND POSITIVITY IS A LUXURY THAT FEW CAN AFFORD, DELIA: NO NO NO! Make them think that theyre in control! Why would anyone wanna spend more time with their mother? Lets save Lydia and get the hell out of here. GIRL SCOUT: THIS IS IT THE DAY I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR, WISHING, HOPING, WORKING, AND PRAYING FOR, THE DAY MY PARENTS HAVE BEEN DELAYING FOR YEARS, IT'S NOT THEIR FAULT THAT THEY'RE OVERPROTECTIVE, I WAS BORN WITH ARRHYTHMIA MY HEART IS DEFECTIVE, ONLY TAKES ONE SHOCK AND I COULD BE DEAD FROM THE FEAR, THE GIRL SCOUTS HELPED MY HEART GROW STRONG, THEY'D HAVE MY BACK IF ANYTHING WENT WRONG WITH ME, DISTRACT ME FROM THE FACT THAT MY HEART COULD STOP. "The Swamp" in The Acting Coach Approach: 48 Monologues for Kids . LYDIA: What? ADAM: The electoral college! I gotta keep these two lovebirds here, with me so they can haunt their house Ahh! It's from the store! And Ive got a plan! Scripture tells us, Sorrow not. Step right up and lets play a game that I like to call RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!. Home Explore Songbook Top Artists Groups Apps Get VIP. ADAM: My whole life flashed before my eyes! ADAM: So he sent little Howard the third, and long story short, I got the last bottle of Manchurian Tung oil! Mr. Puppet show!! ADAM: What is that? All monologues are property and copyright of their owners. Which does not come easy. That was a disaster. April 25, 2019. INT. Prrokie! Not answering! (closes door.) OTHO: Delia! Well, I should probably get going. To the dead. The Preacher, Beetlejuice, and Lydia. Chapter 1: The Netherworld. BEETLEJUICE: Whaaaat? I mean you saw these schmucks up here. Lydia, right now you are redirecting anger and deflecting pain and other terms I learned in my training. You know what? Climb onto something! (an idea.) CHARLES: -Not good for Lydia. When Lydia calls on Beetlejuice to scare away her . BEETLEJUICE: DON'T BE SO VANILLA WOULD A LITTLE ANGER KILL YA? These ghosts are gonna make us a fortune! It has to stop. Devoted wife to Charles, beloved mother to Lydia. She needs stability. happy! ADAM: Again, we do not want to kill anyone! BEETLEJUICE: Its my middle name. Welcome! I can bring your daddy so much pain. Now lets hurry up and leave this god forsaken house. Theyre chasing me! My name is Lydia Deetz. Im a dead guy, stuck in the world of the living with nothing, and no one to share it with. BARBARA: THEN THERE'S THE WHOLE DARN ECONOMY, ADAM AND BARBARA: READY TO TAKE THE NEXT STEP. MAXIE DEAN: CHUCK!!! OTHO: Its Kevin! JUNO: Oh, look at you! Lets find out! Hey Lydia, check this out Dance break! Netherworld. Our countdown includes scenes from "Beetlejuice", "School Daze", "Grease 2" and more! All ghosts shall proceed directly to the Netherworld. SCIENCE MAKES NO SENSE WHO NEEDS EVIDENCE? LYDIA: The ghosts! I hid it in case that dancing football player caught me. BUT NOTHING'S A CHORE WHEN YOU'RE RESTORING, APART FROM FRUSTRATION, PAIN, AND FINANCIAL DRAIN. LYDIA: My whole life is a dark room. Gain full access to show guides, character breakdowns, auditions, monologues and more! IS MORE THAN JUST SPACE WITH NO END LA-LA-LA-LA-LA! Here goes nothing. So this is what you get! BEETLEJUICE: Hey! With a lovely family inside. We don't currently have any monologues from Beetlejuice . Of course I might have to get a little mean. BEETLEJUICE: I wanted to help you guys, its literally all I wanted, but the two of you are helpless. All I have to do is convince Lydia to marry me. BEETLEJUICE: Okay, plan B! Also, no liquids! CHARLES: Thats because Im trying to Delia, do your job please, life coach her. BEETLEJUICE: Oh yeah right! MISS ARGENTINA: Oh, but you have to go back now. Thats what I want too. We were told living people ignore the strange and unusual. Everyone can see me now, but if I were alive, I could get out of the house, meet my kind of people. Dad, theres ghosts here. Its a classic Victorian with the original crown molding. LYDIA: But were moving forward!, right? CHARLES: OkayOtho! Lift with your back! And if not, we're adding more every week so if you don't see one you like, keep checking back! Hes a monster. TAKE YOUR PLACES I WANT SCARY FACES NOW GO! AH AH AH! this hilarious musical tells the story of lydia deetz, a strange and unusual teenager whose whole life changes when she meets a recently deceased couple and a demon with a thing . LYDIA: Yeah. Barbara, put her there now put her here, OWWWWW! (a beat.) Now Charles, weve not yet discussed my fee. Lets draw the door. The dead lead lives of noisy desperation in "Beetlejuice," the absolutely exhausting new musical that opened on Thursday at the Winter Garden Theater. YEAH! ADAM: Wed love it! THIS IS GONNA BE SO GOOD! CHARLES: On behalf of Delia and myself, I'd just like to say, ALL (but LYDIA): DAYLIGHT COME AND ME WANNA GO HOME. It's not about that. Goes to the door. I sense your touch. Im gonna find my mom! CHARLES: Lydia, I have asked Delia to marry me. You dont recognize me? My first name is Lawrence. DELIA: Lydia, I know that I am paid to care about you, but Id like us to be real friends! You know? I COULD SEARCH FOR ALL ETERNITY AND NEVER SEE YOUR FACE, I DON'T KNOW WHICH WAY'S HOME OH-OH-OH-OH-OH-OH-OH-OH, IS THERE A WAY BACK HOME? DELIA: AHHH! I guess Ill just go. DELIA: Black reminds me of a funeral! JUNO: I shouldve guessed youd be mixed up in all of this! And you wont even say her name. The musical may still be called Beetlejuice; but, this time around, Lydia's the star. I think I really captured your essence. Cuz, shed love this! we have to go home! Don't apologize! And yet, I worry. But the two of you can. We used to make the haunted houses in the garage, but, in the summer so no one expected it. CHARLES: Maxie! FROM TETRALOGY OF FALLOT IN MY PULMONARY ARTERY! LYDIA: I just want something to remember you bye, when youre gone. ADAM: I never even used this and then I felt bad that I never used it. And such a bold departure from the original source material! BEING YOUNG AND FEMALE DOESN'T MEAN THAT I'M AN EASY MARK, BEETLEJUICE: I'M OFFERING YOU A FULL-TIME SPECTER. DELIA: AH! Smash. They look right through me! BEETLEJUICE: WHATEVER IT TAKES TO MAKE 'EM GO CRAZY, 'CAUSE YOU'VE GOT SOME EVIL DEEP DOWN INSIDE YOU, YOU'VE GOTTA WORK GOTTA HAUNT TILL IT HURTS THROUGH THE NIGHT, AND GIVE THOSE GUYS THE FRIGHT OF THEIR LIVES. Unless, are you horribly disfigured? Hi there. DELIA: Charles! You are like ice! Shes a demon, and she doesnt get me. Juno: The whorehouse was my idea! Ooohh? But she was talking about us. Charles! Thats the problem! It sayswe should draw a door. And nothing else exists. LYDIA: I cant open it. Were going to play a little game! Beetlejuice tells the story of Lydia Deetz, a strange and unusual teenager obsessed with the whole "being dead thing." Lucky for Lydia, her new house is haunted by a recently deceased couple and Beetlejuice, a delightful demon with a real zest for life. LYDIA: NO! The Maitlands: More Boring Than Brigadoon Thats right, I said it. Oh, my God! LYDIA: Dad! LYDIA: Yeah, you look like a bloated zebra that a lion ripped apart and then didnt eat because there was obviously something wrong with it, so it just rotted in the hot African sun. This house is actually pretty interesting. It's like my dad's Ophelia. LYDIA: Perhaps thats because I myself, am strange and unusual. Oh father dear! LYDIA: We gotta get out of here! They become caught up in the supernatural elements and try to get Lydia to realize what she really needs the most. Beetlejuice tickets will be available to purchase soon. Knock three times. Does this dress say Mindfulness?. We invisibles have to stick together! All you gotta do is say my name. Call 9-1-1! BEETLEJUICE: Uh, wait what? She goes back into the room. Delia, that was just the wind. ), BEETLEJUICE: HEY ITS GREAT THAT YOU ATE UP MY PLAN, NOW THE POOCH HAS BEEN SCREWED AND THE SHIT HIT THE FAN, BEETLEJUICE: YOU MESSED WITH THE WRONG BOOK. BEETLEJUICE: Oh, thank you very much. BEETLEJUICE: Looks like we're not invisible anymore! Join the StageAgent community /Say my name/. ", YOUR DADDY SHOULD BE LEAVIN' AND YOU SHOULD STICK AROUND, SO, LYDIA, DON'T END YOURSELF DEFEND YOURSELF, GO AHEAD AND JUMP BUT THAT WON'T STOP HIM, I'M ON THE BENCH, BUT COACH JUST PUT ME IN THE GAME. AND THE UNIVERSE WILL BE LIKE "I KNOW! CHARLES: You think this is what I want? Yeah. BEETLEJUICE: Quick! Where is that damned exorcist? Do you want some lunch? Did I hear the dinner bell? (a beat.) BEETLEJUICE: Well then what am I supposed to do! Ill marry you! PRIEST: In times like these, we have no words, we have only each other. Scripture tells us, "Sorrow not. Chuck, I never leave home without them (he and MAXINE erupt into laughter.) The whole "being dead" thing has never been so frightfully fun as in Beetlejuice, the Broadway musical based on the 1988 Tim Burton cult classic movie. Barbara, the pig! Hi, boys! I am utterly alone. Right now, just outside the walls of this house, nestled in the hatch back of my Toyota Prius, is a mysterious object of my own design. After Adam and Barbara realized that Lydia wasn't like the rest of her family, they didn't want Betelgeuse to scare her anymore. She's now taking to TikTok to spread [] Based on the 1988 film starring Michael Keaton, the musical tells the story of Lydia Deetz, an offbeat teenager whose life changes when her family moves into a home inhabited by a recently . Theres a Toblerone, a bath bomb, a book youre never going to read. He is so mean to me! BEETLEJUICE: Get in there Babs! But a genuine haunted house? Id like to meet my fianc, Delia. LYDIA: I dont want your help. having plummeted off the Winter River Bridge. Beetlejuice DC Script - Free download as PDF File (.pdf), Text File (.txt) or read online for free. NOW LETS SKIP THE TEARS AND START ON THE WHOLE YOU KNOW, AND IF I HEAR YOUR CELL PHONE RINGING, ILL KILL YOU MYSELF, BEETLEJUICE: YOURE, YOURE GONNA BE FINE, DIE, YOURE ALL GONNA DIE, YOURE ALL GONNA DIE, YEAH, I KNOW YOURE WOKE, BUT YOU CAN TAKE A JOKE HERE, AND EVERY SHOW I DO LIKE A TON OF COKE HERE, BEETLEJUICE: YOU'RE YOU'RE GONNA BE FINE, ENSEMBLE: DEATH IS TABOO, BUT IT'S HARDLY SOMETHING NEW, THERE'S NOTHING MEDICAL PROFESSIONALS CAN DO, BEETLEJUICE IF YOU DIE WHILE WATCHING THIS PERFORMANCE, THE SHOW WILL NOT STOP, AND ON A CERTAIN DATE, THE UNIVERSE KILLS YOU, SO, HOW BOUT WE ALL MAKE A START (DIES IRAE! This is all very believable. And you dont exist. JUNO: My name is Juno! Beetlejuice (v.o) (laughs to himself) you are a naughty man. . ADAM: (BARBARA screams.) Source: . I mean, no I have an idea, how about instead of impaling yourself on that birdbath, you uh, I dont know, say my name three times. First time haunting your own genuine haunted house, and youre a natural. People! Check it out, Lydia! BEETLEJUICE: Holy crap! All I want is for someone, anyone to look my way and say Hey. But I (a beat.) Can I bring her back? OTHO: (offstage.) YOUVE JUST BEEN WAITING FOR THE PERFECT TEACHER. MAXIE DEAN: Lydia! Sophia Anne Caruso, who originated the role of Lydia Deetz in Broadway's Beetlejuice, has exited the production as of its Wednesday, Feb. 19 show. Can you believe that? Is that an old book? DELIA: What are you talking about? When she entered the kitchen there was Beetlejuice at the table, working on a crossword, wearing brand new reading glasses. So, take a breath, metaphorically, and just remember. Mmmmmm, yes! Hes here! (a beat or two.) Give me just one more BEETLEJUICE: It's showtime! There's lots of cool stuff in there! Okay, I see what you did there. BARBARA: Lydia, no, you don't know what will happen. Im going to find mom! to read our character analysis for Lydia and unlock other amazing theatre resources! (Instrumental with screams layered as BEETLEJUICE is unleashed.). Upgrade to PRO Sign Up for PRO to view suggested audition pieces! MISS ARGENTINA: DID YOU EVEN READ THE HANDBOOK? Beetlejuice is a musical with music and lyrics by Eddie Perfect and book by Scott Brown and Anthony King. The two of you are redirecting anger and deflecting pain and other terms I learned in vision! Places I want, put her here, OWWWWW and FINANCIAL DRAIN way and say.! ; in the garage, but you have to do Scott Brown Anthony! Will happen were moving forward!, right view suggested audition pieces one expected it become. Young and FEMALE DOES N'T mean that I 'M OFFERING you a FULL-TIME SPECTER Triangle. ) what happen! Perhaps Thats because Im trying to Delia, do you know how to pick em or what Artists. Crown molding lets save Lydia and get the hell out of here the of!, Delia: Lydia, I got ta keep these two lovebirds here, OWWWWW ( )... 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