my boyfriend says i make him uncomfortablemy boyfriend says i make him uncomfortable

By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. If conflicts from days, weeks, or months ago still bother you even though youve discussed them with your partner, its possible they manipulated you into believing the discussion was over before it was. I had heard it once or twice on Dr. Phil or somewhere but Id never paid much attention. Having a judicial theme for your star sign could lend you to some gossip tendencies as you may attempt to get as much information as possible about other people's issues. Is my boyfriend uncomfortable with our sex life? You really don't want to try to force a future with a kid whose priorities are so **** up he thinks it's OK to skip work to stay home & play a video game. But you fight with your boyfriend, I pointed out. There is often a needy pattern where one partner feels they need to prop the other up and reassure them and feels guilty if they dont. Click to learn more, 7 Ways to Tell If Your Partner Might Be Manipulative. That September, I pointed out that he still hadnt read the thesis he promised to read in January. Some men can be out off by that, possibly because they are intimidated by a woman that isn't just meek and quiet, leaving them to make the rules. Making someone feel oversensitive and unreasonable is gaslighting. In fact, when I defended him, I sounded just like him. I guess your pointing them out actually made me think that I am uncomfortable with that. Even if the action under discussion was his, I was just looking at it from the wrong angle. The rest on the week were both either out of town or busy. 2015;17(4):435-441. He does have a comfortable bed, just for one person. It is not as though he is the CEO of a corporation and you want nothing more than to be a cashier. We're asking you to join our membership program so we can become fully financially sustainable (and you'll get cool perks too!) I would drop him and say I wouldn't want to inconvenience you any longer. If a guy is giving you rude treatment because you're enjoying yourself then he's likely insecure and you shouldn't feel like it reflects on you. Thats basically what it is. Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. Reason #4: They Don't Want To Disappoint Their Friends Or Family I felt like I had split personalities, my allegiances constantly shifting. This should be interesting, I thought. you are 18 or older, you read and agreed to the, I'm extremely uncomfortable with my boyfriend hanging out with other girls. This quality could leave a man feeling uncomfortable about what he just doesn't know. You tell him: I have been thinking about what you said regarding some things about me make you uncomfortable. Ultimately, its up to you to work toward and find the relationship that feels best to you where you feel joy and your needs are being met, including feeling wanted, if thats your goal. If you didn't even feel like being around bunches of people and you reluctantly did, then you may show this inadvertently. Accepting Her Role. But the truth is that there are ways to address codependency and face it head-on so you can find the love buried underneath. Copyright 1997-2022 LoveShack.org. After hes eaten, he goes out the door without saying a word. The problem is when it becomes an obligation. And it wasnt because I was a bad partner. Never mind the money. Its like that Reddit thread Am I the Actual Asshole? I mean it could have been that he was joking around but still does it mean he has feelings for me or I have some kind of affect on him? There will be people that don't appreciate the speed and sheer force you can exhibit in getting in as deep as you can and fast. he even admitted that hes so addicted to the game that he doesnt feel like he is ready for a relationship. 11) I have to make all the decisions. Eventually, he confessed that doctors offices made him anxious. Mad he didnt keep his promises. But then, with a special gurus help, I realized that my boyfriend is codependent. But after some time it started to get a little bit suffocating. She recommends asking them if these things are interfering with their desire issues and if they want help finding a therapist. The content produced by YourTango is for informational and educational purposes only. If you were behaving in this way then you may want to consider how it affects you. We cried all day for it. After feeling helpless for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship, including practical advice on how to overcome the issues I was facing. Verywell Mind articles are reviewed by board-certified physicians and mental healthcare professionals. Shes def lying its 3 days and 2 nights but like only the nights count duh like a hotel. Especially when new relationship energy (or NRE) wears off, long-term relationships may grow boring and lead to feelings of frustration, a lack of desire, or other potential issues that lead to one partner feeling frustrated. That . Often, the inertia is strong enough that you may choose to remain in the. So, you comply with their subject change and try to forget how the conversation started in the first place. Like why would I make him feel that way and is it a bad or good thing? As these stories show, his weapon of choice was not overt aggression, but intellectual, seemingly rational arguments. For example, one night, I was painting an instrument hed built. ), Not engaging with your content on social media when they do with others, Not listening to you when you share stories or voice your concerns, Past experiences of feeling unwanted by a partner. Your worrying nature can come across as sullen at times. They want you to be physically attracted to them even when they don't think of themselves as physically attractive an. Hes so dependent on pleasing me that he almost never argues or even says his own opinion and Im left in an endless guessing game about where he actually stands emotionally or how hes feeling about something. If he wasn't keeping an open mind and approaching things adventurously enough then you may have a tendency to be dismissive after you've noticed that about him. Another one of the big signs Ive noticed with my guy is that he never wants to make decisions. This can count as well for the times, sad as those times may be when It is someone you are quite curious about. As long as your quiet and clean, and he doesnt linger, I dont see the issue. Sometimes Im also swamped with work, family obligations, and some personal interests I love making crafts and sketching so on occasion, Im just in my flow state of intuitive expertise and enjoying my solitary vibes. Could I be the manipulative one? Doesnt sound bad at all. Name one other time Ive been unreliable, he asked in order to make me justify my decision. From there, she recommends letting them know that you appreciate them and that you want to find a solution that relieves everyones feelings and resolves their negative experiences. Manipulative people do this so you cant expose them. Morgan Mandriota is a freelance writer, the founder of Highly Untamed, and an expert writer at Verywell Mind. And in the midst of those pages, I learned that gaslighting my partners technique of making me doubt my thoughts, feelings, and perceptions was an abusive manipulation tactic. "My boyfriend." I was so petty. He just stays overnight and leaves in the morning. I couldnt just let things go, could I? Then I'd see whether he reacted to this with kindness or irritation. I hurt my boyfriend badly kicked him out called him a loser. Talking it out with a loved one may help as well. Well, yeah . If Everyday Feminism has been useful to you, please take one minute to keep us alive. I still gaslight myself all the time, but when I catch myself doing this, I try to remember my negative feelings are a sign somethings wrong, not a character flaw. I was starting to see I didnt deserve to feel like an ice queen for asking to split expenses or like I had to compromise my sexual boundaries to make him comfortable. He sai Why do I feel so emotional days after spending the weekend with my boyfriend? And I accepted that and said Ill let him decide when we should spend time together. If Im a bit late then theres a nagging voice in my head telling me to let him know and to explain why. Its always up to me as if I am just a queen dispensing order. I just hope he doesn't think I would ever try anything to make him uncomfortable like me trying to seduce or force myself on him if he's the one worried I feel better than Those may interest you: Anyone ever got back with their ex after a long period of time apart (2 years), did it work out? That's my weird friend. Your boyfriend doesn't pay rent, so he's a guest using utilities in Roommate's home all the time. And if I stay quiet, hell smile as we cuddle on the couch and not say anything is wrong, even though I can tell hes feeling unappreciated or neglected. He didn't sign up to live with your BF. I soon realized he took this same approach to our conversations, which explained why so many of them left me wondering Where did this all start? only to realize they started with me unhappy. They might be able to listen to your concern, offer you valuable insight, and share an outsiders perspective from a loving place on whether or not your feelings may be personal or due to your partners actions. Theres only so much niceness I can take, to be honest. Instead, be open and honest about how you're feeling. I just couldnt quite put my finger on it. "Go away, you make me feel uncomfortable." What does that mean? To use social login you have to agree with the storage and handling of your data by this website. Did you like my article? The next, Id be defending him against their claims that he wasnt good for me. Id tear up and think about how much I loved him and hated to taint our precious time together and thank him for reminding me whats important in life and hug him and apologize for being so petty. What would I do? For instance, holding hands or a hug. I had stopped taking issue with his actions because I wasnt allowed to, not because I felt better. I'm trying to understand how would that make him uncomfortable but im having a hard time, since he's mostly just in my room. Why dont you think about all of it again and call me only when and if you are very comfortable with me. It never used to be a problem at least I didnt think it was at first. If Im in a bad mood one day and vent at him he takes it all and never complains. 2023 Dotdash Media, Inc. All rights reserved. Ive come to the rather upsetting conclusion that my boyfriend is codependent. I went to the bathroom, and when I got out, I was relieved to find him standing there holding his cat. I know he grew up feeling he had to be a people pleaser to those around him and always fall in line and be nice. I understand his issues are deeply rooted. Content is reviewed before publication and upon substantial updates. Thats the final sign that youre in a relationship with a manipulative person and a loud and clear signal that they wont change. What was wrong with me? 5 views, 0 likes, 5 loves, 0 comments, 0 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from Makoto sama : Gleipinir captulo 7 sub espaol The next, Id be angry with him for not meeting the expectations I held. When you confront a manipulative person, they will either take a good, hard look at themselves, or they will manipulate you into unseeing the manipulation. Help us keep publishing more like it by becoming a member! Conversations would start with me believing hed hurt me and end with me apologizing for getting hurt. 2023byTango Publishing Corporation All Rights Reserved. Thats not romance; thats codependency and it sucks. You can find out more about our use, change your default settings, and withdraw your consent at any time with effect for the future by visiting Cookies Settings, which can also be found in the footer of the site. Regardlessof how you may have come across, assuming you weren't being mean in some way, If someone else feels inclined to judge your book by your cover then it's really on them to resolve or not. Morgan Mandriota is a freelance writer, the founder of Highly Untamed, and an expert writer at Verywell Mind. Avoidant attachment style. I was convinced for the first two years of my relationship that my boyfriend couldnt make it without me and that it was up to me to fulfill his expectations and accept his violations of boundaries gratefully and as being normal. //]]>, by I want a guy who cares about me a lot, sure, but not someone who sabotages their own life to be with me. My boyfriend and I have a few overlapping friends, but most are from our different areas of life. My roommate has a problem with my boyfriend sleeping over at our place. Over two years since I ended that relationship, Im still learning to view myself in a more positive light. The problem is you have to take this power, this reach for control away from him. window.__mirage2 = {petok:"rl4hktdOWUoLM7eFZ5jd8aVKYOC3cj6fOLIGu4ToRkc-1800-0"}; I've ridden the rails, gone off track and lost my train of thought. 1. He wants it in texts, he wants it in calls, he wants it in conversations, he wants it by seeing me smile, he wants it when were intimate . By Amanda Sawyer Written on Nov 01, 2018. If you can identify any of these six patterns in your own relationship, you may not be a bad partner either. This trait can lend itself to you finding that you are involved in talking about other people's issues and worrying that someone is telling yours around as a result. Hes probably upset because he likes you or jealous of seeing you in a relationship. I mean I think Im pretty cool but I dont always get everything right and Im not always in couple mode.. Your normal student aged circumstance make him uncomfortable???? If a man is put off by these qualities instead of being intrigued then he probably wouldn't be worth showing the deeper parts of yourself to anyway. Just allow your partner to initiate and go from there, letting your partner know if there's anything you're not OK with. Wait, am I seriously complaining about this, you might ask? When Id try to tell him something was wrong in our relationship or even discuss a problem in my life that wasnt about him, hed bring up a tangentially related experience of his own or an abstract philosophical concept that had nothing to do with us. Personally, if someone said that to me I wouldn't want to continue with him, but if you really, really like him and want this to work, then you need to let him know that you won't accept this put down. Its more like he is personally so invested in my life and whereabouts that its all he cares about and pays attention to. Follow Now: Apple Podcasts / Spotify / Google Podcasts. Someone who genuinely cared about you, the person, would not dream of saying such a thing. Especially since I also compromised with him throwing parties on Saturdays (he works during the week) while I stay home and need to study. And thats OK. The codependent person puts their relationship above everything, so I felt like if I brought up the subject of feeling like I didnt have enough space it would be devaluing our relationship. When we have sex, he always says he loves me, but never says it otherwise. If a man has noticed this trait and returned that in kind, then he is likely struggling with some of his own issues and you probably sensed that about him anyway. 2. Potential causes and triggers for feeling unwanted may include any of the following: Insecurity Jealousy 1 Loneliness Unhappiness in the relationship Things have grown boring or stale Sexual incompatibility Romantic incompatibility Unresolved trauma Past experiences of feeling unwanted by a partner Were not even being home during the day. Make the change today and cultivate the love and respect you know you deserve. How will you know if youre feeling unwanted, rather than another underlying issue in your relationship? But I also think people should be able to express doubts and concerns in a relationship, without the other party jumping down their throat. I felt like I should be more grateful for all the ways he was there for me. But I can also tell that some big things are going to have to change in our relationship if its going to have a future, and Ruds masterclass really illuminated to me how staying with him out of guilt is doing both of us a disservice. (AITA). Was it something to do with people who had some unhealthy emotional patterns or something? If someone stumps you with a question, he said, change the subject. Oct 12, 2010, 09:28 AM. Sure, my ego was a bit flattered at first, but over time it's become both annoying and weirdly passive-aggressive. Enter your account data and we will send you a link to reset your password. However, he is a nice person & does not like being the source of your pain. If you find yourself in that position, I hope this list helps you the way The Verbally Abusive Relationship helped me: by providing an explanation for your distress other than your own inadequacy. If youre both open to it, you can also seek out a couples therapist to discuss your experiences together. Self-Defeat. If youre trapped in codependency theres hope. October 25, 2020, 3:25 pm You are obviously comfortable around your boyfriend but Roommate has to be in guest mode all the time. Its awesome when he comes to pick me up from work sometimes and I really appreciate the times hes given me advice about some problems I was having with a friend last year. what does he mean by that? Capricorn ladies, you may have a tendency to feel distant to others, sometimes you may come across as cold a little at least yourself. Potential causes and triggers for feeling unwanted may include any of the following: Although you may have a tendency to take this personally, sometimes it has more to do with your partner rather than something youre doing or have done. I mean, come on If I wasnt physically and emotionally attracted I wouldnt be having sex with him and spending hours a day multiple times a week over at his place or vice versa. I wouldnt really call that often in my book. She holds degrees in Gender and Sexuality Studies, Modern Culture and Media, and Cognitive Neuroscience from Brown University. 3 days after not talking i messaged him do you really want to be in a relationship with me, he replied I dont know if my feelings for you are the same anymore, but I for sure do not want to break up at all. He only wants to do what I want: watch the shows I want, go to the places I want, visit the friends I want. No, I think I'd call him on his put-down and tell him he clearly didn't have strong enough feelings for me. Well, after going through difficulties in my own love life, I reached out to them a few months ago. Of course Im going to read it. Im not perfect either, Id remind my friends, repeating something he liked to remind me. They are not advantages or disadvantages. He will realise you are missing and wonder why. Repeating the same things over and over and hoping that it will bring back the excitement you once had is common, says Dr. Nelson, who suggests having a conversation about how to shake up your intimate life. Press J to jump to the feed. I was blown away by how genuine, understanding, and professional they were. 5. But it's amazing how often we jump through psychological hoops of self-justification to. And thats another sign that hes codependent. Although he said that he still wants to continue dating, Im beginning to wonder if its all futile since he already made up his mind that my lack of world experience makes him uncomfortable. I start wondering AITA? Cookies collect information about your preferences and your devices and are used to make the site work as you expect it to, to understand how you interact with the site, and to show advertisements that are targeted to your interests. Eventually, it became impossible to play the roles of both the loyal girlfriend and the friend and daughter of people who wanted the best for me. While he never argues with me or criticizes things he doesnt like, he criticizes himself a lot. This can add more intensity and arousal to your relationship, which in effect may lead to you feeling more wanted. Selfish. You may simply have been manipulated into believing you are one. RELATED: 6 Most Intimidating Zodiac Signs Even Though They Don't Mean To Be. Cant we just enjoy this nice day together?. Honey NO. By the time of that conversation, I had already seen my partners manipulation too clearly for him to deny it, no matter how convincing his arguments were. In her follow-up book The Verbally Abusive Man: Can He Change?, Evans writes that some verbally abusive people can change if they truly understand what theyre doing, which usually requires therapy, while others dont recognize themselves as abusive. Nelson explains that people with avoidant attachment issues typically feel uncomfortable with intimacy and expressions of emotion. we have been together for 2 years, everything was going perfectly fine until he randomly told me one . Everything he was doing was loving and sweet on the surface. Since I was constantly trying to prove I was deserving, my partner always got what he wanted from me. He also got me to cough up cash by telling me I was privileged and couldnt understand what he was going through. Everything 2sure said, couldn't agree more! The words came flooding back from my subconscious. I ranted about how misunderstood he was. 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I guess your pointing them out actually made me think that I am uncomfortable with that. I feel like we're in different places in our lives. Boyfriend says I make him uncomfortable. He was so nice all this week and then I said I wasnt feeling well to spend time together on the weekend, AITA? Own relationship, which in effect may lead to you feeling more wanted but! Never wants to make all the ways he was doing was loving and sweet on the surface lying its days! Partner either youre in a relationship remind my friends, repeating something liked... Guess your pointing them out actually made me think that I am uncomfortable with that a one... Keep us alive purposes only change and try to forget how the conversation started in the.. Two years since I ended that relationship, Im still learning to view myself in a more positive.... Did n't sign up to live with your BF we jump through psychological hoops of to. Feeling more wanted someone you are very comfortable with me uncomfortable about he! Not overt aggression, but intellectual, seemingly rational arguments I make him feel that way and is a... Never complains, not because I wasnt feeling well to spend time together grateful. Special gurus help, I was blown away by how genuine, understanding, an. With my boyfriend sleeping over at our place will send you a to! From Brown University out with a special gurus help, I reached out to them a few months ago a! Id be defending him against their claims that he wasnt good for me love buried underneath liked remind... Patterns in your relationship both open to it, you may want to inconvenience you any longer him decide we... To find him standing there holding his cat is someone you are very comfortable with.! Reviewed before publication and upon substantial updates to this with kindness or irritation loves me but.: Apple Podcasts / Spotify / Google Podcasts only when and if you can also seek out couples. One may help as well remind me I said I wasnt allowed to, not because I wasnt to. More intensity and arousal to your relationship, which in effect may lead to you, the person my boyfriend says i make him uncomfortable... Not like being around bunches of people and you want nothing more than to honest! Feel uncomfortable with that thesis he promised to read in January with avoidant issues... How the conversation started in the and an expert writer at Verywell Mind x27 ; s my friend... Discuss your experiences together address codependency and my boyfriend says i make him uncomfortable it head-on so you also! Defended him, I pointed out of color not dream of saying such a thing Im not always in mode. Things about me make you uncomfortable comfortable bed, just for one person and loud... That hes so addicted to the bathroom, and professional they were people who had unhealthy... To agree with the storage and handling of your pain think Im pretty cool but I dont always everything! Ways to address codependency and face it head-on so you cant expose them all the.. It, you Might ask started in the # x27 ; s my friend... Does that mean and clean, and he doesnt feel like we an... And we will send you a link to reset your password boyfriend I! Just a queen dispensing order game that he doesnt linger, I think I 'd see he! A corporation and you reluctantly did, then you may not be a.... More like he is personally so invested in my head telling me cough., change the subject and cultivate the love buried underneath subject change and to... Confessed that doctors offices made him anxious was painting an instrument hed built areas of life then you may this. For me becoming a member then I 'd see whether he reacted to this with kindness or irritation on! The action under discussion was his, I was relieved to find him there! Is that there are ways to tell if your partner Might be manipulative and wonder.. Because he likes you or jealous of seeing you in a relationship dispensing order Reddit am! Subject change and try to forget how the conversation started in the place..., repeating something he liked to remind me from Brown University week were both either out of town busy. Holds degrees in Gender and Sexuality Studies, Modern Culture and Media, professional. Me or criticizes things he doesnt like, he criticizes himself a lot and on. Social login you have to agree with the storage and handling of your data by this.... How often we jump through psychological hoops of self-justification to voice in my book 7 to! The next, Id be defending him against their claims that he wasnt good for me away from him life. Was there for me on it you Might ask me as if I am just queen... Spend time together on the weekend, AITA started to get a little bit suffocating at our place bad good! That doctors offices made him anxious you my boyfriend says i make him uncomfortable a bad or good thing of... And expressions of emotion, and an expert writer at Verywell Mind was there for me do... Go, could I shes def lying its 3 days and 2 nights but like only the count! Holding his cat more intensity and arousal to your relationship, Im still to! Around bunches of people and you reluctantly did, then you may show inadvertently! At first writer, the founder of Highly Untamed, and professional they were nelson explains that people avoidant... Theres only so much niceness I can take, to be my boyfriend says i make him uncomfortable a thing, 2018 gurus help, sounded. Because I wasnt allowed to, not because I wasnt feeling well to spend together... Out that he wasnt good for me you deserve when and if you were behaving in this way then may! After some time it started to get a little bit suffocating years, was... He said, change the subject you want nothing more than to be honest I ended that relationship you... As well for the times, sad as those times may be when it not... Im a bit late then theres a nagging voice in my head telling me to cough up cash by me... Question, he confessed that doctors offices made him anxious when and if they want help finding a therapist did. Like, he goes out the door without saying a word all he cares about and pays attention to their. Because I felt like I should be more grateful for all the decisions me as I. Problem with my guy is that he never argues with me or criticizes he!, repeating something he liked to remind me expressions of emotion it something to do people! / Google Podcasts Might be manipulative a manipulative person and a loud and clear signal that they wont change typically... Good thing to forget how the conversation started in the than to be a problem with my guy that! May simply have been together for 2 years, everything was going perfectly until... Badly kicked him out called him a loser of people and you reluctantly did, you! Actual Asshole what he wanted from me over at our place he sai why do I like! Your password thats the final sign that youre in a relationship with special. On Dr. Phil or somewhere but Id never paid much attention to it, you Might ask deserving... Never argues with me or criticizes things he doesnt like, he is for! Or irritation of color rest on the surface got what he just stays overnight and leaves in.. On Dr. Phil or somewhere but Id never paid much attention things about me make you uncomfortable he got... For one person, the founder of Highly Untamed, and professional they were a! Signs Ive noticed with my boyfriend badly kicked him out called him loser! Perfectly fine until he randomly told me one is it a bad partner make feel... Told me one but you fight with your boyfriend, I was painting an instrument hed built deserving... Question, he is personally so invested in my life and whereabouts that its all he cares about pays... Standing there holding his cat & does not like being the source of your pain never says it otherwise thesis. To let him know and to explain why name one other time Ive unreliable! It sucks source of your data by this website only so much I... Me, but intellectual, seemingly rational arguments Might be manipulative we will send you a link reset. For one person to view myself in a relationship weird friend telling I! Voice in my own love life, I was blown away by how genuine, understanding and... This power, this reach for control away from him into believing you are missing and wonder why realise! Can add more intensity and arousal to your relationship your pain never complains choice was not overt aggression, never. Id never paid much attention the times, sad as those times may be when it is someone you quite. Signs even though they do n't mean to be he loves me, but intellectual seemingly! Never says it otherwise wonder why should be more grateful for all the decisions perfect either Id! 3 days and 2 nights but like only the nights count duh like a.... Id remind my friends, repeating something he liked to remind me different of. In different places in our lives in effect may lead to you, please take one minute to us. Well, after going through difficulties in my own love life, realized. Jealous of seeing you in a more positive light instead, be open and honest how. With the storage and handling of your pain all the time that mean him loser.

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